Storyline: Arachniman

General discussion for the lore and story development of the game

Storyline: Arachniman

Unread postby Wizzyboy294 » Fri Sep 12, 2014 9:50 am

((im a fan of spidey, so this isn't an homage or rip off of it, im in struggle to create the character, please dont give bad comments. thank you :D ))


REAL NAME: Charley Jones

The Fantastic Arachniman is Charley Jones. Charley lives formerly such an stressing family business, his parents was agents of Titan City, the greatest. Which was murdered in an gangster war. Though Charley was then raised by his older cousin, behaving like an parent would.

Which was raised like an son. And his older cousin is an female. When Charley growing up as an seventeen year old boy, he became science with chemicals which is dangerous. That day when he landed into some chemicals, flew on Charley and he were falling down into the drugs of DNA of arachnids, such as much scorpion and little half of spider.

Charley was dizzy that until one hour, his dizziness was over. Finds out that he gained arachnid-like abilities, he could climb walls, having an danger-sense, having enhanced strength, super agility, and amazing reflexes, and power such as an mild night vision, and so on with other arachnid powers; When Charley became eighteen, he lost his older cousin by an dangerous cancer. He would now use his powers for good and justice to become fantastic. After creating some gadgets and an costume self-named "Arachno-Suit" he would named himself as The Fantastic: Arachniman!
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Re: Storyline: Arachniman

Unread postby Golden Girl » Fri Sep 12, 2014 10:29 am

Spiders as a theme can be quite tricky, especially for HaV, as there's not just Spider-man in the background, but also the shadow or Arachnos, which means that even if we don't have a spider themed hero to try and avoid comparisons with Spider-man, we're still going to run the risk of Arachnos comparisons if we make a spider themed villain.

Another thing to consider also is how the character's theme works with their personality and actions, and if it helps to reinforce it, or detracts/dsitracts from it.
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Re: Storyline: Arachniman

Unread postby Helix_Group » Wed Sep 17, 2014 2:06 am

It is very hard not to see this as a homage or rip off of Spiderman when there are so many allusions to it. The dead parents, the female "cousin" who is lost to an illness, the name "Fantastic Arachiman" etc.

You should try to tweak this more. Try fusing him with traits from another hero to create a sort of amalgamation. Take my character The Patriot. He's a mash up of Captain America and Batman. Pretty boy billionaire who harbors a secret identity that happens to be one of the most celebrated heroes of American History.

It's a nice concept, but you should try to avoid the pitfall of copyright infringement.

Also, this belongs in the Character Thread.
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Re: Storyline: Arachniman

Unread postby Blaze Rocker » Wed Sep 17, 2014 5:02 am

Wizzyboy294 wrote:((im a fan of spidey, so this isn't an homage or rip off of it, im in struggle to create the character, please dont give bad comments. thank you :D ))


REAL NAME: Charley Jones

The Fantastic Arachniman is Charley Jones....


I seem to recall something similar over in the Lore and Story General Discussion thread.

Wizzyboy294 wrote:The Arachnid!

Name: John Hill, Jr.

Age: 19

Superheroic Name: The Arachnid

Family: John Hill, Sr. (Father/Dead), Alexina Hill (Mother), Katty Hill (Younger Sister)


The lack of a titanic text wall shows you've already made a significant improvement, and it's a good start, but you need more writing experience. I have a few pieces of advice to offer.
Take your time to work things out and provide adequate details. A good proposal can take a lot of time so unless you're on a deadline you should take however much time you need to get it as good as you can. You also don't have to provide every little detail in a first proposal. Just the basics needed to introduce the character should be fine.
For those new to writing, or to those new to writing in a different language, it often helps to have someone proofread your work. Someone with more experience can usually find the worst spelling and grammar mistakes pretty easily. They can also make suggestions towards possible improvements in sentence structure. Here is an example of some of your work I've taken the liberty of rewriting.

Though simply known as Charley Jones for most of his life today Charley also goes by the name The Fantastic Arachniman. For all of his preteen years Charley's parents performed secret duties for Titan City's government as two of its finest secret agents. Shortly after his twelveth birthday his parents were murdered while attempting to bring a mob boss to justice. Charley was taken in and raised by his older cousin who did everything she could to treat him just like her own son.

Although not exactly what you have written it is much easier on the eyes and it flows well. If you don't have much experience writing, or you don't have anyone you can ask to proofread your work, I would suggest you gain more experience by reading the works of established writers. Though individual styles will be different their general styles will be quite similar and will provide you with examples to follow for your own works.
If you need assistance you can send me a message and I will do my best to help if I am able.
You're really gonna want that cowbell. :P
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Re: Storyline: Arachniman

Unread postby Wizzyboy294 » Fri Sep 26, 2014 12:16 pm

np i allow you all to help me, so long i love H&V :D
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